〰No. 1〰What is one example of “small stuff” that you let get to you recently?
Initially, I had trouble thinking of a “small thing” that I let bother me. While I can recall the effects worrying about the niceties of life on my mental and emotional health, my difficulty remembering the cause of my stress attests to the irrelevance of the small things. Upon further reflection, I remembered how frustrated I was earlier this week when I had to stand in the garage holding a part of the washing machine my dad was fixing for fifteen minutes. I could’ve taken this time to talk with my dad or even as a break from my work, but I was cranky instead. |
〰No. 2〰How does your ego distract you?
Oftentimes, my ego is in the form of a little voice in the back of my head, and sometimes I confuse it with any conscience. The little voice usually tells me I’m not good enough or I don’t have what it takes to do something. This manifests in indecision and sometimes, in extreme cases, causes me to not even do the task I’m intimidated by. Identifying this trap I often fall into has helped me already. I know that I define what I can and can’t do, and if I can’t even believe in myself, who will? This week, I’ve been working on replacing the self-doubt language with positive affirmations to keep me going and encourage me to continue. |
〰NO. 3〰 |
〰No. 4〰 |
“When you have what you want, you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and concerns. It’s thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and give back to others.”
I was initially put off by the message I thought Chapter 2 was trying to push. How can you be okay with imperfection when so many things are wrong? When is something too important to be imperfect, and when is the strive for perfection the exact push you need to be your best self? This quote makes the ideas of Chapter 2 clearer to me. The frivolous things in life that don’t really matter aren’t worth the space in your mind when you’re concerned about their perfection. Once these thoughts that don’t really matter don’t bother you, you have a clearer mind to focus on your goals that do matter, and have the capacity to focus on perfection, or close to it, when you really need it. 〰NO. 5〰Can you recall a time when you made something “big” and dramatic when it was “small” and not really that big of a deal?
Every time I make a strawberry meringue cake, I feel like the sky is falling. The truck runs out of gas, my parents are yelling at me for having the stove on in the heat, and I am physically sweating from having the stove on in the heat. I try to remain calm, but my stress and discomfort result in a restlessness and fidgeting and sloppiness and the need to get everything done at that instant. It's not healthy to allow this detrimental kind of thought pattern, especially over a cake. |
Do you notice how your mind and body feel when your thinking is out of control?
Lately, my jaw has been sore. I find that when I’m stressed or when my brain is on overload that I clench and grind my teeth. It takes me to consciously acknowledge that I’m doing this to stop myself, which is ironic because it’s difficult to stop yourself from doing anything when you’re spiraling. I also experience some tension throughout my body, particularly in my shoulders and neck. I take the time to wind down at night, to distract myself from these wandering thoughts (which may not be an effective long-term method) and stretch to dissolve any residual stress before I sleep. 〰NO. 6〰What does your “in-basket” look like? And will it be there tomorrow?
My "in-basket" includes tasks I need to accomplish tomorrow, at the end of the week, by the month, by the end of the year, things I know I will eventually have to do. For example, I’m so anxious about what will happen if I wake up and I am totally breaking out? That’s a what-if, I’m so anxious about something that may not even happen. Because of the nature of my “in-basket” it will always be there. However, I can help to empty it and relieve myself of the stress of hauling this box everywhere I go. I acknowledge it is there, and then get things done, never allowing the weight of them to drag me down. |
〰NO. 7〰 |
〰NO. 8〰 |
Do you believe you are a strong listener, or could you use some work?
I used to think that I was a good listener, but upon reading this chapter, I think I need to reevaluate. I'd thought that interjecting into a conversation would show that I was actively listening, but I see how it takes the focus away from the conversation and turns the attention onto me. Mr. Felver had been saying something similar to this my entire high school career, that if you're thinking about what to say next, you're not really listening to the speaker. He had applied this situation to class discussions, but this is also a form of conversation. Enjoying the conversation at hand seems much less stressful, and more respectful, rather than doing somersaults in your head as you figure out what to say next and how to say it. |
Recall a time when you have given, did you expect some acknowledgement.
It depends! Sometimes I don't even know that what I'm doing is giving back, and then I am surprised when I do receive acknowledgement. Maybe it is best to be conscious of selflessness, so you can reflect on why you're doing what you're doing, or maybe not, as to blur the association between everyday tasks and giving. Most times, however, I do expect some acknowledgement, especially when I know I put a lot of work into what I gave. For example, when I give gifts or make cards or send a nice text, I expect some sort of return. I need to recognize that there is something fulfilling about passionately creating something positive to give, and then letting it go into the world without a peep from you or anyone else. This method of a "random act of kindness", unseen, unheard, may even be more fulfilling than the politics in expecting a response. |
〰NO. 8〰Do you believe you are a strong listener, or could you use some work?
I used to think that I was a good listener, but upon reading this chapter, I think I need to reevaluate. I'd thought that interjecting into a conversation would show that I was actively listening, but I see how it takes the focus away from the conversation and turns the attention onto me. Mr. Felver had been saying something similar to this my entire high school career, that if you're thinking about what to say next, you're not really listening to the speaker. He had applied this situation to class discussions, but this is also a form of conversation. Enjoying the conversation at hand seems much less stressful, and more respectful, rather than doing somersaults in your head as you figure out what to say next and how to say it. |
〰NO. 9〰Have you experienced someone stomping on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel?
I know its not intentional, but many times I feel that my younger siblings steal my time in the spotlight. My three-year old brother needs that kind of attention, which I understand, and my sister can't really control when she cries, but sometimes I trick myself into thinking that no one wants to hear what I have to say anyways. Elias also steals attention because he is a travieso, so sometimes it feels like the only way I can receive attention is by causing trouble. I definitely understand how inner-city kids feel drawn to gangbanging. I hope everybody can be attentive and active listeners to help the unheard have a voice. |
〰NO. 10〰What are some ways you want to work on staying in the present moment?
Often times I am very focused on what's to come (the future) even when it hasn't happened yet. This kind of anxiety causes me to not want to get started on anything because it causes me so stress, allowing these feelings to compile until my assignment is due tomorrow and I go into a mad dash to get everything done. I want to remind myself that I cannot control the future, but I can prepare for it. By making to-do lists (especially having a pad and pencil by my bedside, as suggested earlier in the book) helps to calm my nerves and remember that I can only be as prepared as possible, but never completely ready. I also like to be spontaneous and give myself the space (even if I don't really have it) to live and play. 〰NO. 12〰Challenge: the next time you are in a discussion/argument, let the other person be right and take notice on the initial feeling that transpires.
My dad was cutting my hair and inevitably tried to start an argument about politics. I know that he knows that I know that he doesn't know enough to argue about the things he's arguing about. This doesn't stop him from trying. Nonetheless, I let him be right. Oftentimes these sorts of discussions can put a damper on situations when we really were getting along. When I let my dad be right, I noticed that we could change the conversation more quickly and avoid the damaging one that may have occurred. I felt more relieved and ready to continue having a good time, while as when I may have rebutted to his argument my experience would have been ruined. I did not feel compromised when I surrendered my ego and let another be right. 〰NO. 14〰Do you have a mantra, a statement, that you make to yourself daily or weekly?
When I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning because I am dreading going to school, I am reminded of the extended Phineas and Ferb theme song, "This Could Possibly Be the Best Day Ever" and the similar "Best Day Ever" album by Spongebob Squarepants. I never thought that I would be a teenager drawing on children's theme songs to summon motivation, but here I was finding the strength to get out and start my day. These simple melodies and direct messages remind me that any day has the potential to be my best day ever, that every day can be better than the one before. While I will be influenced by external forces, only I can decide the extent of the impact that they will have on me. Remembering this encourages me to live each day to the fullest in pursuit of the best day ever today. 〰NO. 16〰What do you hope to do a year from now?
WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS QUESTION RIGHT NOW I AM SO UNCERTAIN IN THIS TIME WHEN NOTHING MAKES SENSE AS I GRIND ON APPLICATIONS FOR SCHOOLS ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND HANDLE REJECTION AND ALL I CAN DO IS QUESTION WHETHER MY MOTIVATION IS MY OWN OR THE PRODUCT OF MY PARENTS' AMBITIONS AND WHERE I FIT INTO THIS MOSAIC OF MY FAMILY AND THE WORLD I WANT TO SAVE BUT I'M UNABLE TO EVEN SAVE MYSELF? As you can see, I have asked myself this question many times. My visions lay on either side of an extreme. Exhausted in my bed, I see my future through rose-tinted goggles, dreaming of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés while I fiddle with ceramics in Rhode Island. The opposite of this is failure. I don't even give myself the opportunity to even consider the opposite because my eyes are on the prize and anything else is bad. Needless to say, I need to get over this. I am on the road to success, and I'm not sure what path looks like. But the joy is in the journey with my goal on the horizon. |
〰NO. 11〰Think about a moment when you were frustrated and now look at it as a moment of being taught... what did you learn?
I get frustrated when people try to talk about things they don't have the credibility to talk about. For example, when people try to argue that climate change isn't real. Ignorance can only be excused so much, and at a certain point it becomes apathetic. I try not to get frustrated, but my tone falls very flat and it becomes obvious that I'm annoyed and argumentative. Looking at things in this light, this just reminds me to be patient. That our ten minute conversation won't convince someone in denial that immediate action needs to be taken. I also learn that I need to be educated on what I am talking about, before I spread my opinions and expertise I need to verify that they are rooted in fact and truth. 〰NO. 13〰Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in this vast world and really your "drama" isn't that big of a deal?
I think I remember these things when I am in nature. Its easy to get lost when you are surrounded by the beauty of creation. Or even when you are in monumental man-made structures. Nature was created by a force larger than us and these giant behemoths of metal, wood, and textiles are the works of generations of human hands. When you are among these types of things, you remember how insignificant we are in this tiny pale blue dot, quoted from famous astrophysicist Carl Sagan, husband of Lynn Margulis (queen). These moments are kind of unsettling and uncomfortable, but humbling. It's a bit of trip when you go down for one of these experiences, nevertheless, they are crucial in our understanding of the universe and our temporary vessels. 〰NO. 15〰Have you lost a relationship because something something "small" created a "big" divide?
Is anything ever big all at once, or is it always the result of a something small becoming something big like dominoes? I know I'm not supposed to sweat the small stuff, but when does it pile up and become an enormous mountain to scale? The relationship was never a great one to begin with. And homophobia and bullying is inexcusable, those two habits take some hard-earned self-actualization to quit. But when I think of the beginning of our conflict as something small, it seems like I'm overreacting. The conflict was big enough by the end, but I debate my role in our downfall. In this frame of mind, every miniscule encounter, mishandled microaggression, and poorly-timed joke seems to be my fault for inflating it. Maybe I'm onto something and it matters not the size of the conflict, but its quality. Or maybe I just didn't read the chapter. 〰NO. 17〰Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
Fair is cold and impartial. I think I've heard that God is truly just. He makes judgements in the interest of black and white morality and harsh realities. It can be argued that his world, devoid of the interference of his love, is fair and unfair. Nature is tit for tat as glucose is reliably transformed into the same amount of ATP and NADH but children are born in the poverty of the Congo are damned to a life of hunger. But what makes the difference is his mercy. Even when you have sinned so bad, you still have the opportunity at redemption if you are truly penitent, I think. This is the way it is in some Christian denominations, but I don't think my parents believe that. When you are damned you are damned and that's fairness from a just God. |
〰NO. 18〰Do you take the time to be bored?
〰NO. 20〰When is the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
Whether it be verbal or written, I always to try to mindful of the privileges and fortune present in my everyday life. I actually run a card making small business with me serving as the CEO, creative designer, manufacturer, and mail carrier. I like to make cards for my friends whenever to remind them of how cool they are and to show my love. I am very grateful for my friends. Whenever I feel stressed and have enough fortitude to remind myself to do it, I try to verbalize what I am grateful for. I take a survey of the room and notice what I am grateful for, what brings me joy, and the objects and people I take for granted. I also write letters of gratitude to myself when I am feeling down in the form of journal entries. After addressing my emotions and identifying thought patterns that I may fall prey to, I write affirmations to solidify what I already know about myself. Whether they are true or not, these statements remind me that I am valid and can achieve the goals I set. I am grateful for my abilities and these affirmations remind me of how lucky I am to be me. Through these practices, I have found that gratitude is one of the best ways to combat loneliness or sadness. By being mindful of how grateful I am, I stem negative thought patterns from the source. |
〰NO. 19〰Have you been taught to believe that high stress is a positive thing?
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